old friend, new jealousy.
her claws sunk back into his heart
back into the old holes that were faded (but still waiting)
she left us last spring, left us to our own devices.
and i tried to build a home in a shelter that didn't want anyone but her.
now i'm left homeless and wandering and wishing he would open up to me, kiss me again and meet my eyes with a twinkle and silently tell me that
i am all his, even if only for an hour.
i want him to not look for her in my eyes.
to look for me. to look at me.
she walked away and found another lover
and another and another and another and another and
i waited for a lover that never came.
he would come when he wanted and he would come tenderly,
leading me to jump to conclusions.
oh... i thought he had forgotten her,
that i could set up camp and he'd ask me to make it permanent
and now i see i was a fool all along.
why do fools rush in?
because now i sit and watch him fall headfirst into toxic patterns
and i will sit and rub his back and stroke his hair
when she pulls her same tricks and leaves him again
for another and another and another
and
i will love him all the same,
and be his dearest friend,
and he will need me,
just not how i need to be needed.
and i will cry when i leave his side, and we will both sit
and use his sleeves as our tissues.
wipe our noses in the wake of her hurricane.
and my heart will wither
then bloom with every look,
and wither again