In 2017,  I wanted to die.
I wanted to know what it felt like to lose my breath, and never gain it back.
I wanted to know what it felt like to drift into an infinite sleep.

In 2017, I wanted to die.
I didn't eat or drink water in hopes of withering away.
I didn't sleep in hopes of crashing my car on the interstate.

In 2017, I wanted to die.
I cried until my body could no longer produce tears.
I cried until my head hurt.

In 2018, I want to live.
I feel the sunshine peeking from behind the clouds.
I feel like it's finally my time to know what happiness feels like.