Did I choose this life Or did it choose me? Did I take the path I took believing I was free?
Was it me that took the first step? If it was I'm not sure why my ankles and wrists have scars from where pain pulled me along and all the while you know I sang a happy song convinced that I'm right where I belong
Here.
Here is where my deepest fears are all covered up by dear friends that I just met yesterday But it's like I've known them my whole life convinced beyond all doubt that this is what freedom feels like
They like me after all These people who chant the happy song along with me, blissfully unaware that none of us are really free. In reality it's all one big scheme cooked up by our darkest memories because remembering hurts too much with pain we'd all rather not touch
or talk about
God forbid we doubt this happy song we sing or realize all the pain that truth might bring So we'll carry on in hope that our pretending doesn't go up in smoke
So let's have a conversation now while we can about all the things kept behind the door to your closet filled with ***** laundry that's been there for years damp with tears that no one ever saw you cry You swear you'd die if anyone did. Because in there you hid after what you did or what you had done to you
Me too.
If I'm honest, I need you The monster got me too. Trauma and tragedy that turned me into whatever the heck I am now
but somehow I'm still here
And believe me when I say I know; Underneath all your fears you're dying to hear that you weren't the only one.
You weren't.
We didn't choose this road pain told us we had to take it that we had to fake it or get eaten alive that this was the only way to survive but if this is all there is I'd rather die! Don't tell me that all I can do is hide Don't tell me to just pretend away all the shame and self-hate as if I were assigned some cruel fate Where I feel like I'm nothing forever
Never!
I refuse to keep living a lie No, pain, you can't make me though I know you tried I'm awake now and your credibility is fried your access to my heart denied I've cried enough in solitude and silence Your violence ends today.
So in this my brother I pray for you That you find that this is true That your life is more than an empty tune That pain said you had to sing. The you that God intended you to be Let him out, He set him free Through blood spilled to wash him clean
This is the new song we have to sing.
We spend so much time pretending thinking that we actually want to hide. Don't buy it!