it's treacherous, really
how far out of your way
you are willing to go
just to find someone who
is not me.

and for what?

for the adrenaline rush of
an ego boost (?)

and at the price of what?
the hem that has held
my heart together
is beginning to rip-
the seams are giving way
spilling out every
and all
of the things that i try
so hard to contain

at the price of my own
comfortability.
i forfeit my precious solitude,
only to be met with
the coldest
and emptiest of embraces.
slight looks of annoyance,
eyes averted quickly
at laughter
as if mad that someone
might hear me.

where do i get off
on burning the
ends of my nerves
so that your touch
does not make me
shudder?

attempting to hold it all together,
as i can  be responsible for you
in life
but not ever
in death.