Every time I think it's going to be different,
Every time I'm shown that to hope is ****** dangerous.
Every time I try to rise, the world watches me fall.
Every time I feel more and more unlovable.
Every time.

Every time I face rejection I spiral off,
Every time I envy the fish under the bridge,
Every time I envy the monkeys hanging from trees,
Every time I envy a bored bolt with a hole in it's head.

Every time I turn to my lucid waking dreams for escape,
Every time I find none.
Every time I turn to face the grimy ceiling for solace,
Every time he breaths it disgusts me.
Every time a drop of the water that gives me life burns my throat,
Every time I numb myself.
Every time I degrade myself.
Every time I hurt myself.

Every time I crash to the bottom of my seemingly endless chasm of sadness,
Every time I am broken by the fall,
Every time I wallow at the bottom,
Every time I scream far removed from everyone and everything,
Every time I hear only the echo reverberating off the walls,
Every time I feel as though it is hopeless.

Every time I am born anew,
Every time the clouds clear and fade,
Every time I see the sun again,
Every time I think how selfish self pity is,
Every time I feel the love of all things course through me,
Every time I find my purpose again.

Every time I dare to hope again,
Every time I know it's a mistake,
Every time I take the risk.