pain is something i felt from a young age
not a bruised elbow or a skinned knee
no, far worse
i watched you pulled from the house on a stretcher
in a body bag
my heart felt received 100 skinned knees in 30 seconds
i was 5
i could hear but i didn't listen
as hundreds of people told me it's okay
i blocked off my pain
i built a fortress of false hope around it
false hope that i would forget that day
that false hope makes it harder every year
when june 1st comes and i'm still breathing, somehow
when your birthday falls on thanksgiving and we're still eating, somehow
i have to live like that false hope was real
like there's no more pain
like i don't remember