I'm sorry
I'm not trying to leave
I'm not trying to avoid you
That's not what I want
I swear

But how do I stop myself?
No
No I won't say that
No that's annoying
No that's upsetting
I won't say that because then it will be true

I will try to stay
I want to more than anything
You were there for me when
I felt alone
Very very alone
When I couldn't look at myself
You were there
Not anyone from before

But you have to admit
We are different people.
Not that there is a problem with that
It's to be expected though
That we fight
And we argue sometimes
That's normal for friends
I guess.
Or so I've seen and been told

You are both a year older than me
I am immature and stupid and young
I am not on your level
I will never be there with you
I am always one step behind you

Not to mention that I am an addition to your friendship.
I was not there to begin with
I missed everything that you two went through
I'm not as close
I'm easy to remove
I matter less

But it makes sense.
I'm not hurt because it's expected
I'm sorry it seems like I'm just ranting now
But over the summer I started to care less
In a way
By care less I don't mean avoid you
I mean I stopped enjoying the over the top teasing
I didn't like it as much

It started to hurt
But I didn't want to say anything
Even though I should have.
I'm sorry it took so long for me to say something
I don't want us to fight

Sometimes you say you're joking
But I worry that you're not
I get frustrated sometimes
I lash out
When I shouldn't.
And that's not fair
And I'm sorry

But sorry isn't always enough
And I'm trying
To fix it
But I'm not very good at it
I am always wrong after all.

Do you remember the goldfish joke?
The snack that smiles back
Goldfish :)
It's been awhile since we've joked about that
Sorry I don't really know where that came from
I'm not really sure where any of this is coming from
I'm just kind of writing

Does it count as a poem
If it's not rhyming?
I mean I think so
But I don't really know

I'm sorry I've been distant.
I'm sorry I **** at writing poetry
I write stuff like this
So I can get out my emotions
It's stupid I know
I want to fix it
But I don't want to hurt anyone
I don't want to argue

When you joke around
Sometimes you mean it
And sometimes something is really hurting you
But how do I know what it is
If you won't tell me how you feel?
I'm sorry
I don't want to hurt you
I don't mean to hurt you
But that doesn't mean I don't hurt you
And saying sorry must be like
Putting a band aid on a chopped off limb.
I'm stupid
A lot of the time

This poem is getting really long
But it just doesn't feel finished yet
I keep thinking about the tone in your voice
When I say things I don't mean
I don't want to lose you!
I don't want to see that hurt look in your eyes!
But how do I fix this!
What do I do?!

You say it's okay
I have responsibilities now that I'm dating someone
But you're not being truthful
And you're hurting
At least I think
Maybe I'm wrong
I could be wrong
Maybe I'm the only one who is upset

But I feel like we need to talk
About something
About this thing
So that we don't
Fall apart
Because that's not what I want

I'm not sure what else to say.
I think I might just end it here
The poem that is
Not our friendship
Or this conversation
Just the poem
Because I'm not done
Talking about this
And as long as you let me
I want to and will be your friend.

I think that's it.
I'll end it here
On this verse.