Today, I feel extra heavy,
Each movement, taking more effort than normal.
My mind is feeling clouded,
A dense fog settling in every crevasse.
Today, I am tired.
Not the I-didn't-get-enough-sleep kind of tired,
But an exhaustion of the mind and body.
To describe how I feel, only two words come to mind,
"Chemical imbalance"
Two words that tell me that how I feel isn't real
It's only the result of my brain feeling sick.
But what if I'm truly just sad?
What if everything I feel is real?
The thing about what ifs is that they're sad
They're depressing.
Thinking of the things that could be,
What if things could be happier,
Or what if things could be worse.
And what if the thing wrong with my brain
Is just sadness, pure and simple.
Sadness could be fixed,
Sadness doesn't need medication.
But sadness could last forever.
A soul stuck in a world that it doesn't belong,
A place where it was never meant to be.
That's how I feel.
I don't belong.
I never belonged.
I am missing a part of me,
The part that fills the dark hole in my chest.
A hole that reminds me of loneliness,
No matter what, it'll always be there.
And maybe that's the cause of this
Chemical imbalance
The possible ****** up part of my brain.
The flaw that can be fixed with drugs.
The flaw that is my mind.
Maybe I'll be okay
But then maybe I won't.