May 2017
ostensible smiles,
and clammy palms,
whirling thoughts,
and checking if
you're still breathing.
treacherous mouth,
please don't blurt
anything stupid.
you anxious heart,
fulfill normal speed.
the truth is
i feel exposed.
there, i ******* said it -
vulnerable and small,
adorning my favorite
shirt, now soaked
through.
tracing eyes
looking my way,
pinning me down
my seat. i am fine,
i promise.
ignore my unworthy
presence, please.
what i hate the most
are interactions like this -
conversations with the person
trapped inside my head.
she's me. she's
unreasonable, tired
and scared.
for how can a room
full of people
choke you
without laying a finger.
make you squirm.
make you hide further.
shrinking into a corner.
until you're just a
sweaty frigid wall of
anxiety.
and clammy palms,
whirling thoughts,
and checking if
you're still breathing.
treacherous mouth,
please don't blurt
anything stupid.
you anxious heart,
fulfill normal speed.
the truth is
i feel exposed.
there, i ******* said it -
vulnerable and small,
adorning my favorite
shirt, now soaked
through.
tracing eyes
looking my way,
pinning me down
my seat. i am fine,
i promise.
ignore my unworthy
presence, please.
what i hate the most
are interactions like this -
conversations with the person
trapped inside my head.
she's me. she's
unreasonable, tired
and scared.
for how can a room
full of people
choke you
without laying a finger.
make you squirm.
make you hide further.
shrinking into a corner.
until you're just a
sweaty frigid wall of
anxiety.
Social anxiety is so hard to deal with. For me, this is what it feels like to have it. The struggle with social anxiety makes simple tasks turn into small battles. Some people think we're being irrational but things like this shouldn't be treated with ignorance. To everyone dealing with social anxiety, I know that it's tough but you've made it this far. You're tougher and I am proud of you for being brave even when not enough people understand what you're going through.
