At the worst times, it happens.
The sudden pang of hurt.
Of Loneliness.
Of Nostalgia.
It’s almost as if I miss you.
Almost.
But then I remember what happened.
The times I was thrown to the wall.
The times the air got caught in my chest,
Unable to escape due to the tight grasp of your hand around my throat.
The tight grasp
That once held my hand in protection.
That once grappled so tightly around my waist never wanting to let loose,
Because the second our skin lost contact,
Was the second that reality hit again.
Hit Again.
Like the strikes that you lay upon my fragile skin when I did something wrong,
Like I always did.
Wrong all the time over everything
Wrong
Wrong
Wrong
Wrong like the feelings that crept up my spine when you pretended to make love to me.
When you dominated my body. Dominated my heart. Dominated my mind
Dominated
Like every aspect of my life as if you owned me.
As if no matter what, you could do anything you please to me.
Anything you Please
Like use my body when I begged for you not to.
Held me down as the tears fell down my face.
Fell Down
Like my limp body when you were done Dominating me.
When you were done Using me.
When you were done Gripping tightly onto me.
When you were done,
with me.
This is when I realize that I almost miss you.
Almost.
Like the life I could have lost, if I had chosen to stay with you.