I am the uncatchable woman
And my dear, I promise that is not a challenge
Because I will hold you at arms length unless you get closer and then I'll push you back farther than you were when you first started every time.
And it is not because I don't love you, chances are I do very much, but it is because in my head I have made myself unworthy of the love of anyone else so I pretend that it is poison and for some reason, despite my jokes about wanting to die that aren't really jokes sometimes, I protect myself.
And it is because of the poison already injected into my veins from all of the men who stole my innocence in my younger days that I shiver at your touch
Or that I throw an elbow when you come up behind me unannounced
Because I swore to myself that nobody else will ever catch me by surprise.
But I'll continue giving love until my lungs have given out and my eyes can no longer cry, regardless of whether or not you love me
Even though I thought you did because of the Time you noticed that I hadn't had any water all day and forced me to drink it
And because you held me when my medication made me sick.
But the thing about being the uncatchable woman is that as soon as I love you I'll leave you because nothing terrifies me more than finality and situations in which I have no control.
This is something I accuse everyone else of to hide my own faults
but they're all too real when I'm awake at night and you've stopped answering your phone.
The love I give will be taken away at any moment
And I wish I could say I bring it back into myself but I don't know where it goes.