I don't know what this is; You've gone ballistic. Right now I'm dodging words, but who knows what a fist is? A figment of my imagination, creation of possible scenarios that I don't want to think about, bruises forming on my arms and gazes screaming, "let me out." I'm not doing this; I tell this to myself now, but I forgave you once, and I'll forgive you if it all plays out like it does in my nightmares- blank stares. I'm hollowing out, and I'm not about to tell you how I feel. It's surreal. I don't want to believe it, but there's a lot I don't want to believe, my heart on my sleeve, and you're wiping your nose in it. That's not why I care. I care for the times when the tears aren't there. I'm only in love with part of you, the part that seems to be right now; I love all the parts I've met, but there's a nagging inside that doesn't trust you somehow. I just feels like there's a side of you that I've only started meeting; the loving loses meaning when it comes with painful greetings with this new side of you. I'm tired of ending every night on a sour note. I want to let it go, but I can't. You have so much power over me, using me, repeatedly, because I believe that I love you, and I already forgive you for anything you've yet to do. It's sickening to know the truth.
This is my first poem on Hello Poetry. I'd really appreciate feedback and maybe some prompts for new poems. Thanks!