i’m still dreaming about the way you looked at me in the hospital room.

the truth is,

i don’t how to live in a world where you want her

instead of me.

i keep saying big, bold things

like, I NEVER WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN

or I HOPE SHE STOMPS ALL OVER HIS HEART

but we both know i don’t really want that –

what i want is the alternate timeline

when you did not leave me,

when i didn’t sob loudly on a train full of strangers

because you told me it was

really over this time.

what i want is

someplace to put all of my love for you

that isn’t within my own

body.