I finally decided to talk to someone
a trusted been-here-before adult
he opened the door, I did the asking and now all that's left is for me to open my mouth and speak
But I'm scared I won't know how when I get there
So I'm going to run a little practice conversation here, for myself

I guess you've noticed I've been a little off lately, what with hiding in corners and falling on floors I'll start

I'll be looking anywhere but his eyes
He'll probably nod and let me continue

I wanted to ask how you keep doing this, day after day

To which he'll hopefully give me the secrets to life, but before I can escape
Maybe he'll stop me and say

Have you been thinking about not?

And as I've been raised to tell the truth, I'll swallow my pride and nod

I can't stop thinking about it. It's not that I want to not be here, it's just that my brain says a lot of things I don't want to hear.

He'll be encouraging. It's who he is.

Like what does it say?" he'll ask

I'll bite my lip, and try not to cry

Sometimes it'll tell me that behind the smile, there is nothing left. Sometimes it'll say that we're all going to destroy ourselves. And sometimes

I'll hesitate before continuing

Sometimes it will tell me that I'm failing you as a leader

I may actually cry then.

But he will hug me, and he will tell me that I am strong, that I am enough, that he will not let me slip away

That is what I'm looking for, what I'm living toward
All that's left to do is open my mouth and speak