Nov 2016
I'm not the kind of person Who shows "weakness".
I'm the kind of person Who hides her tears from everyone. Who cries late at night when Everyone else is asleep. Who has to grab her stomach and bite her nails, Just to hold herself together. Who silently gasps for air. Who has no one to comfort her because although I have people that love me, they just don't understand. Maybe that's my fault... I don't always tell people what's going on in my head. Sometimes because I don't want to seem crazy, but usually because I honestly don't understand it myself. I have never been able to explain the thoughts and emotions I have, because they don't even make sense to me. How could they possibly make sense to anyone else? But when I do attempt to explain, I'm shut down by "That's crazy" or "Just get over it". Trust me, if I could I would. That's all I want...
When it hits, I feel as though my thoughts aren't mine. I have no control over them no matter how hard I try....
Anxiety is having a good day and out of nowhere, for absolutely no reason, you feel as though your drowning. Anxiety for me is wanting to call my Grandmother who I love but don't talk to much, and not being able to because for some ridiculous reason, the thought of picking up the phone and not knowing what to say terrifies me and makes me feel as though there are elephants doing cartwheels in my stomach. Anxiety is being to afraid to stand up in church, when you really, really, need to. It's not being able to live life because your constantly freaking out, and knowing you shouldn't be and not being able to stop. Anxiety is a voice in your head that reminds you of your weaknesses and tells you that you can't do things because of them. It makes you dwell on a single word. It makes you dwell on everything.
I'm the kind of person Who hides her tears from everyone. Who cries late at night when Everyone else is asleep. Who has to grab her stomach and bite her nails, Just to hold herself together. Who silently gasps for air. Who has no one to comfort her because although I have people that love me, they just don't understand. Maybe that's my fault... I don't always tell people what's going on in my head. Sometimes because I don't want to seem crazy, but usually because I honestly don't understand it myself. I have never been able to explain the thoughts and emotions I have, because they don't even make sense to me. How could they possibly make sense to anyone else? But when I do attempt to explain, I'm shut down by "That's crazy" or "Just get over it". Trust me, if I could I would. That's all I want...
When it hits, I feel as though my thoughts aren't mine. I have no control over them no matter how hard I try....
Anxiety is having a good day and out of nowhere, for absolutely no reason, you feel as though your drowning. Anxiety for me is wanting to call my Grandmother who I love but don't talk to much, and not being able to because for some ridiculous reason, the thought of picking up the phone and not knowing what to say terrifies me and makes me feel as though there are elephants doing cartwheels in my stomach. Anxiety is being to afraid to stand up in church, when you really, really, need to. It's not being able to live life because your constantly freaking out, and knowing you shouldn't be and not being able to stop. Anxiety is a voice in your head that reminds you of your weaknesses and tells you that you can't do things because of them. It makes you dwell on a single word. It makes you dwell on everything.
