I could not
Stop crying this morning.

I hate when people claim their listening,
And just fire back with hostility,
And when I jump to my own defense
(Because let's face it, who else will?)
I'm rude and awful and "went too far",

When claiming you're making this into
"Pain Olympics."
That's what you're doing, though.
My pain is no greater than yours,
As your pain is no greater than mine.

You have not experienced my life,
If we're going to talk about hardship,
I'll match you step for step.
Recalling painful memories
Is something I'm much too good at.

Do not nudge me and **** me
To play this game with you,
I win every time,
I have a trump card
That unsettles you
And makes you nauseous.

I know because
It sends me into hyperventilation
And vomiting
When I recall too many details.

And my head
Hurts so bad from all the tears I spilled
Today,
Trying to prevent myself from
Using my trump card just to get you to shut the hell up,
Because I'm better than this,
Better than that,
Sadly,
Better than you.

And then she goes after me,
As though his berating of my mental health
Wasn't enough.

She degrades me,
My turn-of-phrase's,
My work ethic,
Me.

I point out that she didn't have to get involved,
But that if she is going to she might as well be objective,
And look at both sides.

But what do I know?

There's nothing to know.

I forgot how controlling you are,
How necessary you find my shutting my mouth,
Being a lady,
Listening to everyone else,
No thoughts of my own.

I mean, ****,
You were the reason I dyed my hair blonde
(Like every other bile spewing brat on the play ground)
When I was a kid.

I was so relieved
When you let me dye it red,
And then black.

Right now this isn't about you
"Letting" me.
I'm an adult.
Stop forgetting that.

I am an adult,
But this being the bigger person
Thing
Is just a headache.