the light above my head flickering onoffonoffonoffonoff to fast to really label when it is or isn't emitting a thin ray of yellow mist like my mood shifting under the flickering light happysadangrysuicidalhungrynauseoushypertired fighting for control of my thoughts always fighting everything and everybody and my sides hurt and my stomache hurts either because I ate at all or the meagerness of the portion I talk to my stomach like it's a child like I'm a mental patient under the rapid flicker "shh, now don't be so upset," a giggle escapes me then a tear I want to yell at myself for the silliness of it all "SHUT UP!" I grit through my teeth to my stomache "we have to stop eating so much" It growls like an upset toddler I punch my thighs in the same manner then I lean my head back and stare at the flickering light and recite some poem about getting ready to give up but I don't really hear myself speak It's all a dull roar in my ears I stare at the flickering engrossed when I come to the outside is dark my arm is bandaged my blades scattered by the sink wasn't I at school? the bathroom light flickers then dies leaving one small vanity light illuminating my face everything looks sadder like this but the flickering has stopped I feel calmer no feeling fighting for top billing no frantic onoffonoffonoffonoff I put on long sleeve pajamas pick up a book and climb into bed where my floor lamp begins to flicker onoffonoffonoffonoff and I'm suddenly freezing and burning up I want to scream I want punch the bulb so it shatters against the wall "not...again"
Any thoughts, tips, opinions, and/or criticisms appreciated.