we're laying in my bed
different from before
and once you turn out the light,
I go from 0 to 60 real fast.
why is it so much harder not to feel
when you're lost in the dark?
"Are you happy I came?" you say
with your back turned to me.
in an instant
I'm rocking
          reaching
               grasping
                     gasping for air.
and suddenly we're laying in the bottom of a boat
and we are sinking
because my tears are filling up the vessel.
but you turn
and you hold me
in a way you never have before.
my head to your chest,
the ultimate safety.
and your tears merge with mine
like some liquid bond
not strong enough to hold us together,
but too strong to ignore.

the returning of you is done in a haze.
you, a misty ghost by my side,
returned because you don't quite fit
like you did when I tried you on in the store.
but it's hard to let go
and I don't even want store credit
because you cannot be replaced.

when I come back
your hairs are stuck to my pillow
but I don't mind,
for it is a reminder you were really here
and it all truly happened.
all 3 years of it.
somehow in those hairs
a reminder of you I have held close before
but for such different reasons.