I’d like to go on living like none of this ever happened.
But I can’t.
Because it’s still my reality.
And it will be my reality even if you’re not around.

They say you can’t change a man, not to even try.
But I did.
I tried.
I spent hours praying,
I spent days crying,
I spent an eternity trying to mold and shape you into what I thought you were supposed to be,
Into who I saw you could be.

I know it’s not my job,
I know I shouldn’t have even tried.
I broke all the pieces of myself,
And the pieces of my own heart in the process
Before you could even break me.

I always picked up the pieces left over from you;
From your heartbreaks and your hardships.
All I ever wanted was you.
And now I’m left still behind you
Picking up the pieces of myself that you broke
Filling all the holes that you punctured through.

You didn’t mean to hurt me, this was never your intention.
But I’m broken,
I’m torn,
I’m hurt.
You were caught in the middle of two ways to hurt me,
And somehow, you chose the worst one.

How can I believe someone that completely ruined my trust?
Chewed it up, spit it out, and you don’t seem to care.
Yet, in the deepest parts of me I still trust you.
You’re still my home.
And I shouldn’t have put that much of myself into someone when I’m only eighteen.

I’m afraid the only thing that’s going to fix me is the same thing that broke me.
You.