May 2016
It was the children I tell you,
"That was my last moment as a free bird,
"Now I sing behind caged walls.
They were there in the moments of my spiral of despair,
I first heard them, saw them when I took the bottle.
Counting them like sheep,
1 sheep,
2 sheep,
.
.
.
.
.
.
32 sheep more.
Then I stopped momentarily.
The world was a mirage of my thoughts as I threw the
empty bottle of whiskey on the floor. Lets spin the bottle
see where it lands, I watch it rotate on empty odours.
Then it lands base up, I stare into the white emptiness
above my head and see nothing. Fluke of the spin I thought
till my eyes descended down.
"Hi Elizabeth such an old name, for such a young soul,
She must have been no older than ten, OK, the tablets
are making me see things I thought in my mind?
"No Elizabeth there right here,
Partly dissolved white stones linger in her palms, why did
she do that? and how did she know that these were buried
within me. I thought for a moment then asked?
"What do you want from me? why would you save me?
"I was ready to leave this place to sleep in oblivion,
"Were not letting you go yet, we have things for you to do,
"Why would I do anything for you child?
Because I'm not a lone,
"Around, around we go, while were here you'll never go,
"A tablet will never fall, a wrist no blood will kiss the floor,
"You'll hear us whether night or day,
"We'll visit you in slumber and seed your dreams what may,
"Why would you do this,
Then the world became a spin cycle and It was the 90 degree
wash, I woke up sweating, my clothes dishevelled.
I was clasping onto a empty whiskey bottle huddled onto
it like it was a favourite teddy from when I was young.
"Jesus that was one weird whiskey educed dream,
Getting up I noticed what was a jingling sound in the base
of the bottle had I put a ring in the bottle again? I looked,
my skin shuddered and my eyes widened as I saw what
must have been at least forty tablets laying in recesses
of the bottle. I turned my head to the floor throwing up
what whiskey still lingered in my stomach,. What the hell
had I been thinking?
Footprints so many footprints in a circular dance, and two
more just static in the centre, I looked at my feet I still had
mine on I throw them off in haste, or was it fear? I measured
them in size to mine and they fit like gloves a perfect mould.
"No, no that was just a messed up dream,
"It wasn't our Elizabeth,
"Who the hell ar......,
I wake up again my clothes dishevelled but this time
an added bonus blood, what the hell happened I
thought. I checked myself over and to my amazement
none of it was mine which left me to the more panicking
thought who's was it and where had it come from?
******* I feel sick as I assume that this is one
persons hardened essence now secreted on my being.
I shower and then dry off, I run to the toilet as I *****
multiple times, I cant remember ever eating that?
Where had I been? how long had past in missing time.
I just binned the evidence there was a communal burning
bin. I waited till it was dark, I knew one of the lights was
temperamental at best so i waited till it failed...
"Come on go out,
I thought aloud, then like a fading star it did the usual.
Flickered and like an ebbing star slowly died out . I ran
like it was a race for life, I'd put lighter fluid in the bag
and threw it in.
"I missed,
"I missed, what the hell,
The light flickered on again I was out of the reach of
its view and noticed another come towards the flickering
embers.
"O' crap o' crap,
Thoughts collapsed like dominos in my head, then he picked
the bag up and all I heard was, "Messy ingrate cant even throw,
Then like in slow motion it glided like a wingless crow in to
the fire. Within moments the bag ignited like a phoenix he lit up.
It was like nothing I had seen before he had stood to close to
the fire when he'd throw it soaked in liquid it went up as well
as him the surprise on his face was intoxicating i watched as
he danced the tango of death.
Then I snapped out of it fumbling to get my phone, but this
moment passed and he was lifeless smouldering on the ground
I could smell him cooking slowly. I ran inside, grabbed my phone
again to ring the police.
But I looked down and it was still recording.
"What I cant remember pressing that,
"We did it Elizabeth,
"So you could watch your work over and over again,
"Your not real, your a child,
"O'dear elzabeth if that's true then you did this all,
I rewound the video, wait there was more than one?
I watched each of them horror spread like an extinguished
Sun as darkness consumed it. But I felt myself smiling,
I looked in the mirror and they were there all of them.
Counting them like sheep,
1 sheep,
2 sheep,
.
.
.
.
.
.
32 sheep more.
I had closed myself in the bathroom, locked them from view, it
wouldn't be long now. I awoke again, sluggish to my surroundings.
I was again in bed my clothes as the night before, holding a *****
bottle empty and Ii looked slowly and there were 31 pills and a note
on the side.
"We left one in so you could have a good sleep,
I threw the empty bottle and clinging note into the fire, i could
hear that song that I first heard. "Nnoooooooooooo, "No,
I ran for the kitchen for a knife, then I heard a knock at the door?
Within moments it was off its hinges and I was running at them
knife raised, I thought death at last, but instead 10,000 volts I felt.
Awakeing i heard voice not the childrens but others,
"Hello,
"Is anybody there,
A hole opened and two eyes so caring looked inward,
"Hi Elizabeth, your in Hardy Oaks mental asylum,
"We saw your tapes, your a poorly girl it seems,
"It was the children I tell you,
"That was my last moment as a free bird,
"Now I sing behind caged walls.
The hole slides shut and then I'm alone, but
they are here with me I could scream, but I just
watch then encircle me, and sing their endless lullabies.
"That was my last moment as a free bird,
"Now I sing behind caged walls.
They were there in the moments of my spiral of despair,
I first heard them, saw them when I took the bottle.
Counting them like sheep,
1 sheep,
2 sheep,
.
.
.
.
.
.
32 sheep more.
Then I stopped momentarily.
The world was a mirage of my thoughts as I threw the
empty bottle of whiskey on the floor. Lets spin the bottle
see where it lands, I watch it rotate on empty odours.
Then it lands base up, I stare into the white emptiness
above my head and see nothing. Fluke of the spin I thought
till my eyes descended down.
"Hi Elizabeth such an old name, for such a young soul,
She must have been no older than ten, OK, the tablets
are making me see things I thought in my mind?
"No Elizabeth there right here,
Partly dissolved white stones linger in her palms, why did
she do that? and how did she know that these were buried
within me. I thought for a moment then asked?
"What do you want from me? why would you save me?
"I was ready to leave this place to sleep in oblivion,
"Were not letting you go yet, we have things for you to do,
"Why would I do anything for you child?
Because I'm not a lone,
"Around, around we go, while were here you'll never go,
"A tablet will never fall, a wrist no blood will kiss the floor,
"You'll hear us whether night or day,
"We'll visit you in slumber and seed your dreams what may,
"Why would you do this,
Then the world became a spin cycle and It was the 90 degree
wash, I woke up sweating, my clothes dishevelled.
I was clasping onto a empty whiskey bottle huddled onto
it like it was a favourite teddy from when I was young.
"Jesus that was one weird whiskey educed dream,
Getting up I noticed what was a jingling sound in the base
of the bottle had I put a ring in the bottle again? I looked,
my skin shuddered and my eyes widened as I saw what
must have been at least forty tablets laying in recesses
of the bottle. I turned my head to the floor throwing up
what whiskey still lingered in my stomach,. What the hell
had I been thinking?
Footprints so many footprints in a circular dance, and two
more just static in the centre, I looked at my feet I still had
mine on I throw them off in haste, or was it fear? I measured
them in size to mine and they fit like gloves a perfect mould.
"No, no that was just a messed up dream,
"It wasn't our Elizabeth,
"Who the hell ar......,
I wake up again my clothes dishevelled but this time
an added bonus blood, what the hell happened I
thought. I checked myself over and to my amazement
none of it was mine which left me to the more panicking
thought who's was it and where had it come from?
******* I feel sick as I assume that this is one
persons hardened essence now secreted on my being.
I shower and then dry off, I run to the toilet as I *****
multiple times, I cant remember ever eating that?
Where had I been? how long had past in missing time.
I just binned the evidence there was a communal burning
bin. I waited till it was dark, I knew one of the lights was
temperamental at best so i waited till it failed...
"Come on go out,
I thought aloud, then like a fading star it did the usual.
Flickered and like an ebbing star slowly died out . I ran
like it was a race for life, I'd put lighter fluid in the bag
and threw it in.
"I missed,
"I missed, what the hell,
The light flickered on again I was out of the reach of
its view and noticed another come towards the flickering
embers.
"O' crap o' crap,
Thoughts collapsed like dominos in my head, then he picked
the bag up and all I heard was, "Messy ingrate cant even throw,
Then like in slow motion it glided like a wingless crow in to
the fire. Within moments the bag ignited like a phoenix he lit up.
It was like nothing I had seen before he had stood to close to
the fire when he'd throw it soaked in liquid it went up as well
as him the surprise on his face was intoxicating i watched as
he danced the tango of death.
Then I snapped out of it fumbling to get my phone, but this
moment passed and he was lifeless smouldering on the ground
I could smell him cooking slowly. I ran inside, grabbed my phone
again to ring the police.
But I looked down and it was still recording.
"What I cant remember pressing that,
"We did it Elizabeth,
"So you could watch your work over and over again,
"Your not real, your a child,
"O'dear elzabeth if that's true then you did this all,
I rewound the video, wait there was more than one?
I watched each of them horror spread like an extinguished
Sun as darkness consumed it. But I felt myself smiling,
I looked in the mirror and they were there all of them.
Counting them like sheep,
1 sheep,
2 sheep,
.
.
.
.
.
.
32 sheep more.
I had closed myself in the bathroom, locked them from view, it
wouldn't be long now. I awoke again, sluggish to my surroundings.
I was again in bed my clothes as the night before, holding a *****
bottle empty and Ii looked slowly and there were 31 pills and a note
on the side.
"We left one in so you could have a good sleep,
I threw the empty bottle and clinging note into the fire, i could
hear that song that I first heard. "Nnoooooooooooo, "No,
I ran for the kitchen for a knife, then I heard a knock at the door?
Within moments it was off its hinges and I was running at them
knife raised, I thought death at last, but instead 10,000 volts I felt.
Awakeing i heard voice not the childrens but others,
"Hello,
"Is anybody there,
A hole opened and two eyes so caring looked inward,
"Hi Elizabeth, your in Hardy Oaks mental asylum,
"We saw your tapes, your a poorly girl it seems,
"It was the children I tell you,
"That was my last moment as a free bird,
"Now I sing behind caged walls.
The hole slides shut and then I'm alone, but
they are here with me I could scream, but I just
watch then encircle me, and sing their endless lullabies.
