I'm the poster child for self hatred.

My calendar's constantly booked with things like "Sit and Hate Myself" and "Live Tweet How Terrible My Life Is."

I'm an advocate for not having enough self confidence.

I'm a member of the Missed Opportunity Club.

And next week I'm the keynote speaker at the "Nothing is Going Right in My Life and it Never Will" Conference.

And the worst part about all of this is:


I have all these accolades and you still won't notice me.......