i have done the impossible
i believe it
my entire being is proof
for i am a paradox

i am loud, with a quiet personality
i am sad, with a happy front
i am trapped, but i chose to be

and somewhere deep inside my little box of secrets
i just want someone to figure me out,
to solve the unsolvable puzzle i created to protect and preserve myself

but how can one do that
when i myself am clueless as to how and where to start?

for the longest time
my life has been full of
confusion regret shame
and it's come to a point where
i don't remember what it's like to be
in the state of complete and utter bliss

and these mixed emotions that influence many others
will definitely be the death of us
and i can't i can't i won't
bear the guilt of making you feel
the pain i've become so accustomed to
in all my years of experience on the battlefield of love

so forgive me if i'm closed
if i'm stubborn and if i'm guarded
but i can't just fall hard and hope for the best

not again