i watched him from across the room. his cheeks turned rosy when he saw me standing there. i thought for a moment he would smile at me. i knew him well enough that i could sense him consider whether he wanted to approach me or ignore me. when he turned his head away, i realized he choose the latter. my heart swelled with disappointment. and in that moment, all i wanted to do was curl up in my bed and cry the pain away. but that wasn't an option. i wouldn't let a silly boy get me down.

ha. now, i remember those words-those stupid words-i whispered to myself that night and i feel anger. my ignorance was overpowering. i can still picture how many stars were in the sky that night because i remember looking up and shouting out. i would share with you the words i spoke as i walked home all alone, but they are irrelevant, painfully so. what's important is the sorrow i remember. it swept through my entire body like a wave across the sandy shore. but unlike a wave, it stayed with me; a scar on my heart. i think about this night and my hands tremble the way they had when i unlocked my house and traveled up the stairs to my bedroom. i was alone.

and now i realize,
i will always be alone.