i am lost
i keep tumbling
on the things i can't see.

as i struggle to get up
i heard laughs
faint but i know
its there.

it hurts when i know
the joke
came from me.
i learned how to
ignore.

sleep seems to be
the only medicine.
so i drench myself
in fantasies
to where i have much
control.

now
i walk in pain
knowing i can't
let go of something
i have no control.