If I could write a letter to my mom and tell her the truth...
how liberating and sad it would be.

Dear mom if I take my own life,
don't be afraid of the word suicide.
There were inner demons I could never beat.
Who left their claw marks on my sleeve.

Dear mom if I die, I hope that you're not sad.
Because I'm finally done with the life that so brutally hurt me.

Dear mom I love you so.
And I wish that you knew that taking my life was never about you,
but the darkness in my soul.

Dear mom I know that you believe in a God who won't give you more than you can handle.
But if this is true then why
is it that I want to die?
Because I've had so much more than I can handle.
And I just can't fight anymore.

Dear mom I don't want to alarm you
to the truths lying in wait
in the caverns of my soul

But.

Dear mom I'm dying inside
and I can't take it anymore.

Dear mom tonight I'll say goodnight
and whisper how I love you.
Then go and be alone
to try to stay alive
for just one more hellish night.