Hello again, it’s been awhile since we have talked. I hate that you always want to do this at four in the morning. I never know how to explain to people why I was up so late, mainly because I hate explaining our complicated relationship. I know you’re worried, but I need to go to sleep. I know you want to stay up until we see the sun, but I have important things I need to do in the day time. You have pushed me around for too long, you controlled my life and my entire thought process for too much of my life, and I have worked so hard to push you away yet I always let you in when I feel you knocking. You loom around for too long after I let you in. Like this dark cloud I can’t shake for a couple weeks. It affects the people around me too, I can see you trying to **** them into your grasp. I don’t understand you; you’re this monster in the back of my head, creeping around everywhere I go. I don’t want to do this anymore, I’m tired, it’s late, please just let me sleep.
-k.p.
1.25.16