Laying in bed. Starring at the ceiling. Each beat of my heart is a thunder crack inside my head. I can feel the blood pumping through my eye, even though I can't see out of it. The swelling has half blinded me. My face, numb yet I can taste the blood filling my mouth. My knuckles, possibly the only pain I can feel. Cracked and bleeding. This isn't enough pain for what I've done. But I can barely lift my own fist. Slowly fading. This is too familiar. I don't deserve this pain. I deserve so much more, I deserve to be hurt so badly there is no healing. No coming back. I need to be hurt more. Or else She'll never feel safe.