I have these feeling
nagging me

Weighting me down

I can't explain it to you

No one can know
cuz
they won't understand
can't
comprehend

I know we're born to die

Live for it in fact
but
it's been consuming me

Every single night
since
December  01 2015

I've felt this foreboding
soul
crushing
feeling
which leaves me in tears

These thoughts
aren't my own

Guess
I'm  not use to really being
alone

On my own

yearning for something
but my heart says
Death isn't it

I've tried to shake it off
ignore it
even face it

Truth of the matter is
I'm living in fear

I don't fear much else
just the thought of
life moving on
without me

Thoughts of
My family and children
thinking of me
fondly
and
still living their
life
With out me here

****
I don't want to be a memory

I want to be
here
Laughing or crying
feeling all life has
good or bad

I don't know what happens
once we're gone from Earth

Some say heavens for real  

Yeah yet

Maybe

Maybe that's my fear
that  maybe
I've done so much wrong

I'm not going
but as
I've said and always will say

I was born alone
I'll die alone
Still
it'd be
so wonderful
to have some one
there
just to
*Hold my hand!