i was lying on the floor
staring up at the ceiling
the laughter from my family
floating towards me
i should have been there
part of that
for once everyone was there
except for me
because i'm never there,
and in that moment
on the floor
with distant sounds of my family
i thought about dying
clarification.
i thought about killing myself
it hit me like a wave
almost coming out of nowhere
reminding me of the problems i have
haunting my every move.
but i got up,
cleaned up,
and walked out of my room
trying to act like a tsunami hadn't come
destroying everything
yet again