2013-2015. 8th grade to a few months of junior year, depression had pulled me underground. it filled the hole with just enough water to keep me under, but with just enough air so I could pull myself up when I needed to breathe. I was under water for almost 3 years. I had my days, weeks, months where I got to breathe, but the almost drowning feeling became my home. I was nothing. I was nothing fighting a ******* war in my head, and the only thing I could think to do was dig a blade into my skin. it was my weapon. it calmed the war, even just for a little bit. but a war always leaves memories. memories that are a bruise- if you put too much pressure on it, it will hurt.
I can classify myself as okay now. I know how to manage. I know how to deal. I don't need the blade to breathe anymore. happiness is foreign to me, so yes, I miss the sadness. sadness was the only thing I knew. it's 2016. this isn't a new year, new me thing. I'm not going to write a list of new year's resolutions, because let's be real..I'll forget about it as soon as February hits. it's a new year & with my past, I've learned ways to deal that I can take with me in 2016. I turn 18 this year. I need to grow up a little. I need to keep myself from going under, fill that hole with dirt, and plant a few flowers in it. I'm okay. I'm happy. I'm falling in love. not only with someone, but with myself.
I'm okay.