i was convinced it was my heart that was dead,
-shriveled up and rotting like the corpses of people i loved
-cold and lifeless and still beating, but only technically
-so full of emptiness that it just imploded

and now, somehow, it can't be the dead thing, because it's warm again, loving again, bright and cherry red and beaming

but my lungs are gone
and my liver
and my sanity

somewhere on the road from suicidal to happy again,
from the edge of the cliff to the edge of glory
from hell to heaven
i ended up killing myself after all

i don't mind, though, because my body might be dying a bit faster than it already was, but my soul is living the ******* dream