I color with pencils that are too happy for my feelings. I paint with colors that express my dark mind perfectly. I sew too fast to keep my mind occupied. I hand sew to find a peace within my body. I play with Chinese Health ***** to keep my muscles working. I sign the ASL alphabet as I walk to work my mind. I write poems to keep my thoughts centered and alive. I do the dishes to find the time to stare outside the window. I roll a snowball to get the courage to throw it. I find some ice and hold it tight to restart my system. And when none of it works, I take a razor blade to my skin to find true clarity.