Last night I leaned on the back of my car and cried because change is hard. Life can so easily throw you a curve ball, it gives you something great then takes it away faster than you can blink. My eyes burned from the tears like my lungs burned from a long drag of a cigarette
I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that at this time a few nights ago I was dancing with my best friends around a fire, but tonight I’m alone on a strangers couch. Trying to make since of it all is so exhausting. I’m still trying to figure out if I left my heart in all the empty bottles or if it’s somewhere in his bed from all the nights I spent with him.
I know I’ll find it somewhere but I think I’m searching for it in all the wrong places
I cried in the back seat of a boy’s car because I begged him to stop but the alcohol must have drowned his senses because the pain of my body becoming something meaningless again was a cry that he couldn’t hear. He asked me why I was crying and all I could say “nothing matters anymore”
He felt terrible, he apologized profusely and i watched as his crystal blue eyes glazed over with regret because of what he had done
even though his sorry’s were as sincere as could be I still felt a sting when he kissed me goodnight
I wish I could close my eyes and open them in San Francisco because maybe if I was on the other side of the country I wouldn’t have to see all the things that make me want to melt into a puddle of ice cold water
People always ask me “where is home?” I believe that home is in ourselves, our fireplaces in our rib cage and our bedrooms in our skulls, but right now I’m not even sure if I can call my own body home.