Nov 2015
A thank you letter
Sip your venom and exhale your dioxide
How do you lick your lips when you have daggers for teeth?
Your stained wife beaters serve as a constant reminder of what I refuse to become.
Your hatred ruined my childhood optimism
And showed me this world is not golden
I guess, thanks for showing me what a real man looks like
One who splashes fire at those who sit in the same hell
What was once a sweet tinkling sound now rips me back to my childhood
You showed me how to manipulate people with words and destroy them with a taps
Thanks for the incredible tolerance
Both mental and physical
Thanks for being my drama teacher and preparing me for this endless play we call life
Thank you for the little things
For the runs around the park when I considered suicide
For the trips to the pool where I would swim to the bottom and wait for someone to get me
Thanks for the times you helped me pick rice out of my knees after I was done kneeling
My decision to never be a father was very easy. I will never let a child thank me like this.
Thank you for teaching me what a cycle is and how it works within families
Thanks for family values
Family value #1: family should me nothing
Family value #2: unconditional love does not have to be mutual
3: false hope is enough
4: your replacement is your rock
5: adultery? dismissible. Feminine? Loathsome inexplicable despicable shame
6: you are a fraud if you walk without God even if he ignored my sin
7: what do we now know?
I now know how to control my anger
I now have control over my emotions
I now know how important it is to love myself before anyone else
I now know how to be independent
I now know how to stop this cycle
But you won't know
You will never know that I am no longer your son
You will never see me be the pink fluorescent
You will never hear me say I love you truthfully
In fact, you will never hear the truth
You will hear what I want you to hear
You will see what I want you to see
You will think what I want you to think
But you will know nothing
And I thank you for that
Sip your venom and exhale your dioxide
How do you lick your lips when you have daggers for teeth?
Your stained wife beaters serve as a constant reminder of what I refuse to become.
Your hatred ruined my childhood optimism
And showed me this world is not golden
I guess, thanks for showing me what a real man looks like
One who splashes fire at those who sit in the same hell
What was once a sweet tinkling sound now rips me back to my childhood
You showed me how to manipulate people with words and destroy them with a taps
Thanks for the incredible tolerance
Both mental and physical
Thanks for being my drama teacher and preparing me for this endless play we call life
Thank you for the little things
For the runs around the park when I considered suicide
For the trips to the pool where I would swim to the bottom and wait for someone to get me
Thanks for the times you helped me pick rice out of my knees after I was done kneeling
My decision to never be a father was very easy. I will never let a child thank me like this.
Thank you for teaching me what a cycle is and how it works within families
Thanks for family values
Family value #1: family should me nothing
Family value #2: unconditional love does not have to be mutual
3: false hope is enough
4: your replacement is your rock
5: adultery? dismissible. Feminine? Loathsome inexplicable despicable shame
6: you are a fraud if you walk without God even if he ignored my sin
7: what do we now know?
I now know how to control my anger
I now have control over my emotions
I now know how important it is to love myself before anyone else
I now know how to be independent
I now know how to stop this cycle
But you won't know
You will never know that I am no longer your son
You will never see me be the pink fluorescent
You will never hear me say I love you truthfully
In fact, you will never hear the truth
You will hear what I want you to hear
You will see what I want you to see
You will think what I want you to think
But you will know nothing
And I thank you for that
