my strive for perfection will never be solved
life to me is a game of connecting the dots
connect my flaws
and count how many surgeries
i will need
to feel
complete.

a negative outlook
but only to myself
"you'll never find love"
and love i never felt
"a negative outlook will get you nothing"
they do not see the beauty in everything
else,
but myself,
like i do.

"why can't you be in photographs?"
why can't a corpse breathe?
it's impossible physically
but mentally for me.

it is not my fault
i'm not the one to blame
i had not chosen
to be a part of God's cruel game
illness is not a choice
i would not choose to be this way

i would love to be happy
i would love to be like you
i would love to be pretty
i would love to be brand new