Ugh. He's so beautiful and that's what makes this hard. I wish I could hate his hands for tracing paths down her body but instead I find myself turning them into metaphors. Same with his eyes. I'm trying not to grace "I'm in love with someone else" with my presence, but those words are stronger than sleeping pills and Heaven knows I've been taking plenty of those lately. I'm too weak to stay but I'm too weak to leave, and I'm waking up every day hoping that I hate him but my love just keeps getting stronger and it's not ******* fair. The past is supposed to stay where it belongs but "I loved you three years ago when we met yet I was too scared to tell you" always seems to make its way back. "I didn't know I loved her then but it turns out I did and it turns out I still do." The cruelest thing the world can do is give you the love of your life at the wrong time. I can't imagine a world without his name hanging from a chain on my purse, and I can't imagine a world without listening to his soft snores on the phone because we're too in love to hang up. I wrote him letters every day for a month but I'm not strong enough to send them. "I still love you but I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want."
I know what I want.
It's him.
It's always gonna be him.