I softly run my fingers along the covers,
a barricade from the darkness that sits,
patiently,
lurking in the shadows.

I know that I have to get up, have to get up,
because if I don't then that will be it then...
he would have won...

my fears don't overcompensate for my pride, as I climb out from my hiding spot.  

my feet hit the cold tile floor, and it somehow seems to burn,

like how as children, the ground was the lava that you avoided while jumping from couch to chair to couch again.

only this time, I plunged into the lava, knowing it's safer to burn then to freeze in your cold hostility.

I'd rather turn to ash, be a piece of dust in the wind, then stay frozen in time.

my hands ball into tight fists at my sides, anxiety travels around my insides, down my spine, and quickly circles my brain a few times before plummeting into my stomach once more.

I know what's on the other side of the door. the door I've hidden behind for too long. the door that I've slammed into countless faces. the door that I slide down each time I cry. the door that doesn't lock, so I have to put a dresser in front so my demons can't get in. the door... the same door that I'm opening now for the first time in days.

I step out into the dimly lit hallway... and there he stands. ready to kick me down. ready to see me fall. always there to catch my tears, then slap me around for crying in the first place. there he is. only he's something I can't fight back. he's everywhere and he's nowhere to be found. he's in front of me, but also inside me. he watches me while I sleep. he walks by my side down dark city streets. he carries me to the water, and feeds me to the sharks. he feeds me lies that are laced with poison. he has expectations, but won't tell me what they are. he has rules that I'm made to follow, but are invisible to the mortal eye. he's ruining my life, but he's all I am.

he's reality...

and **** can he be a *****.