Today I feel twelve.
Awkward and unsure, fearful and excited;
Every moment's allure is somehow uninvited.
I don't want to be here, but I don't want to be there.
In search of my ideal self.

Today I feel twenty.
Missing my old friends, traveling to new places;
Old familiarity ends where new ambiguity replaces.
In search of great distraction, finding meager satisfaction.
One in a crowd of plenty.

Today I feel thirty-three.
Just a career minded manic with a clutch full of mini mes.
Where time lost causes panic and everyone little hates peas.
Problem paychecks, pets and pals; Forbidden love ends in broken vows.
I offer no apology.

Today I am forty.
Monotony and misogyny have worn my grain to grit.
An apathetic monopoly on a board game made of sh*t.
Unforgiving past mistakes stealing peace which present makes.
I will be free.