I know our lives will never be easy. I knew that before I met you, when you were just an idea in my head of that man I might marry. When I met you I didn't even know it. I spoke to you like I had known you for years, was comfortable like that, but didn't see until a month later that hey, maybe we have something here.

We met because of cheap college ***, which of course you would think would be a letter of doom from the beginning. But somehow it worked. It hasn't been perfect, but it works.

Don't tell middle school me, but she was totally right about you. Hard to open up, daring, risky, cocky, goofy, had trouble with friends, and somehow still my best friend. Of course she didn't exactly picture it like this, but somehow she knew you. She knew you'd come, even before she knew we were broken.

Of course, she got a couple things wrong. You're not as tall, and you don't have blue eyes, and we haven't been best friends since childhood, but most importantly you never left me. I guess instead of having the pain of losing you and finding you again, I had to live my teenage years without you. I don't exactly know what I'd prefer, but I know I prefer anything with you.

I know the way I am doesn't make things easy. I know we have had our rocky times. But god have I been such an *******. More than just this past month. I got myself in this manic stupor where I was convinced after winter break that all the decisions were mine to make. When you called me a child, I didn't worry about you breaking up with me. I thought it impossible. It was like all I saw was my emotion, and totally ignored yours.

But last week, when you revealed to me that a breakup had crossed your mind, it shattered me. I was already feeling like such a ***** for all I had done to you that past month, but that moment I knew it had been much longer than that. I forgot that I wasn't the only important one. I forgot that all the decisions weren't mine. They were ours.

Dealing with my bipolar lately has made me selfish and blind. Granted, I needed to be selfish to live through what happened to me first semester,  but after that I was just being greedy. My grades improved, I had all the friends I could want, I had a future, and I had you.

I loved you loving me unconditionally, but its time to be fair. Its time for you to feel, to express, to live. This isn't all about me. Its about you, and us. It wasn't fair for me to do that to you for so long, and now I'm here to make it right, but ******* do I love you. Not in the loud way, but the quiet way that creeps up on you and holds your hands and kisses your forehead and suddenly you realize you're in love.

When I told you I loved you for the first time, I loved the person who made me stop being scared and put me first. I loved the person who was my friend, and made me feel special, and made me feel wanted.

I loved what you did for me, and now, as I finally see you, I just love you. I love all of you.

And as long as I can, I will love me loving you, just like you deserve.