And I still don't know how to start this.

Do you remember the first time we met? Your eyes couldn't stop staring at mine, wondering why the hell did I try so hard to get to know you. I kept talking until you told me that listening to my thoughts was the best thing you've experienced since that day your mom decided to left your father. I smiled and we kept ourselves that way for months.

Do you still remember our first real fight? You cursed at me so much that I swore hell is nothing but an empty space in a mad man's mouth. I cried too hard to even let a single air got into my lungs and I ended up laying unconscious on the floor. You held me tightly until the pain seems so unreal to believe in.

Now, do you still remember the first day you left? You told me you didn't want to and you kept on saying you love me, you love me, you loved me, and I couldn't cry anymore because my heart was already broken and I just nodded and kissed you. We kissed for more than every minute we'd spent and I swear I would erase that moment if I knew how you still would end up leaving me.

And I still don't know if this pain would end. I'm remain clueless and ailing and God you're not here to ease me anymore and I need to start realizing that you were always the cause of my pain.