My room is a mess

debri settled on the nightstand from sleepover confessions, spilling all the secrets collecting dust inside our rib cages 

ashes scattered across my roof from long nights of hoping the smoke would fill the spaces left 
by our fathers 
bladeless pencil sharpeners casting shame from my dresser 

empty liquor bottles downed with hazy eyes and thoughts of those stupid ******* boys who won’t stop breaking our hearts and
maybe 
I don’t know why I haven’t just put myself out but 
how can you smother a fire when the ashes are already cold