It is difficult to heave through lungs that are heavy and being held down by the words I can never find the courage to speak to you. I want so badly to scream out my burdens that you never cared to hear. You avoided them, causing my hands to shake and head to pound. I was weak compared to the control you had over me. When I spoke out to you, I was immediately filled with regret. Throat burning like I'd just downed six shots of *****, wishing I actually had instead of saying what would never matter to you, or even cross your mind even once when you left me. You were so good at lying and making me feel as though I was delusional, seeing things that never occurred. But now I know that you were a liar and I was just vulnerable. Now I realize that I don't need your so called "love". I don't need your lies to feel good, I only need myself and that's good enough for me.