You and I always boasted of being different
Not following stupid teenage mistakes
At least when it came to each other
We knew what we were
And no other opinion mattered

The first time I slept over
We stayed up all night
Watching silly late night flicks
You lay across my lap
So intimate for acquaintances
A new beginning perhaps
We wondered secretly
As you kissed my hand sleepily

The first time we slept in the same bed
An unconscious action of innocent drunks
We laid side by side barely touching only our hands held together
We drifted to our own happy places

The first time we said I love you
Was not at romantic sunset beaches
We declared it matter of factly
To others
As we scorned at the idea of "us"
Pointing sneakily we whispered
"But there's nothing there"

The first time your hands reached into forbidden territory
I was hiding in fear of brutal killings on a 10 inch flat screen
We lay in each others arms
Moving slowly against our heat
Wondering what was going on
For this was not expected
It was never even a possibility

The first time I said I wanted more
Wasn't a session of exchanged emotions
Rather a battle of cruel words
Flung blindly at each other
Intentions not to hurt but only confused at the rapidly changing reality

The first time you said we needed a break
You convinced yourself of your mature decision
But I knew this to be another beginning
Beginning of our end
For we no longer knew what we were
And evil whispers gained importance over unsaid feelings

The first time you walked past me like I didn't exist
I didn't cry or breakdown
From the corners of my eyes I saw you greet others with a smile
But it was a smile I no longer knew
A face I no longer recognised
A body I no longer remembered

I never was one of your famous escapades
I never was a night you'd always remembered
I almost became another one timer
But never a notch on your bed post