I don't know when I started loving you.
I know when I realized
I could.
I knew when I first spoke with you that you
Were someone I could love
Devastatingly.
And since I have studiously looked past that knowledge,
Ignored it even though it sat beside me at the dinner table
And put its cold arms around my waist in bed.
I protected you from it,
Keeping it a ghost for as long as I possibly could,
Even as it gained substance at my side
Pulling at my sleeves and tangling its soft fingers in my hair--
"Look at me."
"No.
No I will not see you."
But one night, some night,
I must have been tired and weak,
I must have been raw
And, having heard another of your shocking tendernesses
Reaching through space to tug at my heart,
I must have turned
And seen it in full-
My loving you-
And since
I have been gorgonized, stone,
Unable to look away.