Relentlessly I stab
Counting the wounds on a tab
The red smudges my book
Indicating the lives I took.

Her glassy eyes gazing at stars
Once dreaming of Mars
Now lifeless; preoccupied
With the next big journey of her life.

My own hold nothing.
Murky, clouded and grey
I dream of nothing but cutting
The cords of hope
The ribbon of destiny
The fountain of life, as they call it.

Well, mine already dangles above the pit.
A single snap and the artwork so painfully knit
Tumbles down, glides far
But never fails to crash the tar.

My parents watch.
Moaning, "It's all our fault."
I'm sorry, my sugars
But don't blame the pullers.

My peers gather round.
Their eyes still judging
Their heads still calculating
The times I cried and begged
In the wild games when I was tagged.

My widow, does nothing.
She looks on with pure loathing.
I never did make her life any better
So why did she have to choose the latter?

Finally, I admire myself internally
Restlessly, shamelessly, wearily and calmly.
The beauty of it all touches me
Filling me with delightful remorse
Peaceful insanity and muted roars.
If this is what it takes for a flame to explode
Then send me the code
To living in silent mode.