Last time
it was because I hid my feelings
and released them
through deep sighs
late at night
that only you could hear

Last time
it felt as though
the pain
would never stop escaping
from my pores
and the air around me
was thick with sadness

This time
it was because you could not bear
the pain of saying goodbye
when hello only came
after 10 pm, drink in hand

This time
I feel like I am choking
on every drink you have ever given me
and the only way out
is to bring the memories back up
like swords in my throat

Last time
I fixed the problem
with sleepless nights
by your side

Last time
going to bed
became a necessity
I grew to hate

This time
the problem
was waking up next to you
and leaving shortly after

This time
I wake up
with a heart
that feels like it was beaten
and bruised
in the night

Last time
you came back
because you never
really left

This time
I think you are gone
but I am too afraid
to check