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Mar 2015
The cut of a blade
A little more guilt, a little more pain – let go
Red meets skin
The things I shouldn't have said,
Things I didn't say,
The things you kept saying,
The things I'll never say,
Not to bring a smile to your tears or mine
Can't be this weak person anymore

The look in your eyes
Always there in the back of my mind
Urging me forward, keeping my legs, my mind, running
The fear in your voice
Repeating in my ear
A song on loop
The way your voice cracked when you whispered my name
Makes me run faster
My legs hitting the ground as hard as I know I hit you

The music bursting from the speakers in my room
My head on my pillow
Staring at the flowers I put on my ceiling – something pretty
The voices still there
Yours, mixing with the ones in my head; the one on my shoulder
I try to hear the lyrics
Words that I know by heart, but aren't mine
Putting words to emotions I won't admit to
The music gets louder
The voices stay

The ways I think to cope
Make you feel better
Can't take your sad eyes
Took your hand
Pulled you close
Sorry I fell asleep
Can’t escape the night
Put you in the middle
Thought that maybe I could sleep through one night
Not a chance

Pretend I understand
Life is fragile
Life is hard
Contradicting itself
I had so much to lose
Let it go
All things change
It just works this way

Writing never matters
Getting the thoughts out of my head
And on a piece of paper, a napkin, anything
The words written and glaring at back at me
Everything I never want to be voiced or seen
The match meets paper
I watch the words burn,
Burned in my mind, on loop in my ear
The paper turns to ashes, but the words will always be there
Written by
   --- and Arlo Disarray
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