I'm not sure you exist
Though I've had my arms around you
I still don't know

I've written you
Over and over
Snippets of you in every character
Every voice
Every narrative
All finished
Before I met you
Even then
I knew you
Knew the shape of your smile
The width of your shoulders
The bold flash in your eyes
When your instinct comes out
I wrote all those things
Not knowing you were in the world

My chest folds in in itself
When I see those reflections
Those impossible men
I loved all of them
And so I love you

But

Your heart is taken
And so mine goes to dust

And still
I'm not sure
You exist