You wonder how she'd love you.

In the ways I never could,
In ways too clumsy and honest, just like you,
Parts of myself I let die early on
In favor of thicker skin

That silhouette in your eye betrays you
But I've learned not to ask
What you're thinking about
Those glances just beyond me
Because were you to pry
Into all these boarded tunnels,
You'd find her buried in me a thousand times
Murdered by my suffering

I wonder if you know, you've never been forgiven
But
Love is a magic trick
Trivial to those who understand how it works
But many of us
Are enraptured by the performance

I wonder how she'd love you
If you'd make her feel less lonely
Because she'd pry the nails off
Let you into the attic of her past lives
Your fingers could pull handfuls of her pain
Out of future gardens

Places in my soul
I'd never let you touch
Where I buried my bodies
Where I planted beautiful things
And cultivated this
Still
       rising
Not quite
a phoenix
Or a shooting star
The thing that admits it is ugly
Because ugly is appreciated for what it is
In a way that beauty never could be