I’m thinking of running away
Away from my thoughts
Away from my fears
Away from my life
I wonder if I just packed my bags and boarded the next train out
If I just disappeared
Started anew
Would things get better?
For me?
For you?
For them??
Would I be a blank slate?
Or am I forever stained with the ink of my past mistakes?
I wonder sometimes, how you would react if I left
How would you react?
Would you come looking?
Or ignore it completely.
Would you worry?
Or go live your life with her.
I don’t know why I think these things
I dream up scenarios where bad things happen
Just so I can pretend that your reaction would show signs of care
I trick myself into believing that that is the truth
But then I always wake up into reality;
A reality where you’re with her and I am alone.
A reality where I missed my chance from the beginning.
And where the betrayal that runs through a previous friendship
Is just as raw as the first day that I found out.